I touched on something on Instagram the other day. I’m going to pop the post below and then just talk some more after…
I left the theatre on show day on the BIGGEST high! Then it all kinda went downhill from there in my personal life. Now, don’t worry I’m not about to speak anymore about the break up itself because a) TMI and b) boooooooring ! You guys don’t wanna be sat reading about that.
I spent a couple of days post show kinda letting loose and eating whatever I wanted without boundaries. Two days later, I was messaging my coach like- I’m done I just want to nail my reverse diet now ( given my eating disorder history- this was HUGE). Day one I NAILED, absolutely nailed it… then I continued to stick to the macros for the majority but then add treats in if I was out seeing friends or just fancied something else. No binges just extra treats here and there. Then a couple of days later after a stressful and anxiety fuelled few days the break up came and all of a sudden it was like a reverse diet never existed…
The food flood gates opened and I lost my drive, my motivation and control. Still no binges as such…. I was just constantly mindlessly eating allllll day because I could. Tubs of Ben and Jerry’s, Family sharing chocolate bars gone in one, more chocolate bars. My sweet tooth knew no limits. I became someone I didn’t want to be, I was setting all the wrong examples, I wasn’t being a good role model to anyone coming out of a show or even to myself.
One of my best friends even messaged me after I put up an Instagram story and was like – “[…] When I’m listening to your videos your fight has gone. Find it get it back […]”
So that’s what I’m doing. Prioritising myself, what makes me happy, who makes me happy and what is going to get me to where I want to be. As I’m writing this I’m actually sat at home by myself on a Saturday night waiting for the Asda delivery man to arrive with my reverse diet shopping. I’ve got two weeks until my next photoshoot and also two weeks until my team christmas get together. I want to nail these next two weeks and set myself up with a good foundation to build some more muscle before my next show. My shoot is a lifestyle shoot in a big house so I by no means need to be in a shredded condition; I just want to feel good you know?!
Here’s to the next two weeks, taking one step at a time. Day by day, meal by meal just focusing on the bigger picture. It’s all about getting my body and mind all back in tune with one another.
I’m not one for a sob story and I definitely won’t be talking any more about this break up. I just had to be honest about how it REALLY affected my reverse out of my show. I wanted to be the person nailing my reverse diet, I was SO ready to nail my reverse diet and then the unexpected happened and it all got flipped upside down. I’m taking back control and I’m not allowing someone who isn’t part of my life anymore live rent free inside my head and get in the way of me, my future and my goals.
Here’s to celebrating ourselves. Doing what is best for us and always moving forward
Love Char x